Not as easy as you think
I am definitely no expert when it comes to forgiveness. When someone betrays you, whether it is a friend, lover, or family member, it hurts deeply. People commonly say, "You have to forgive and forget". No one really explains how to do that. Likewise, depending on what you need to forgive, forgiving someone may have additional challenges. Here are two important components of forgiveness to keep in mind:
#1 Forgiveness is for you and not for the person you are forgiving. You can spend eternity trying to figure out why a person did something awful to you. Harking back to the action and studying the "WHY" do not foster healing. Healing is exactly what needs to happen when you are wounded. It is okay to be selfish in making a plan to forgive. Focus on what you need in order to overcome. If you need time, take time. If you want a person to correct an action, ask them to fix it. There are no bounds to helping your heart and feelings heal. You have to do what you got to do.
#2 Recall, Reflect, Rebuild. Again, saying that you are going to forgive someone is so much easier than the action or consequently, the PROCESS. Here is what life has taught me. Recall - How was your relationship with this person before the betrayal? You will need to decide if the relationship is worth initiating the process of forgiveness for. If you are willing to make the investment, go for it. Reflect - How can you make the relationship work? Bite your tongue. Stay away from bashing or negativity. Focus on moving forward and not reliving the past. Rebuild - Construct new and strong bonds. Spend time getting to know each other all over again, and most importantly communicate often.
Again, I am not an expert on relationships - I am just a southern girl of a MAMA that raised nine kids with the motto -- When the sun rises, no matter how difficult it is -- start a new day! Hugs, Carla
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